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Difficult Times.. A Diary



Interesting story; I have been writing something to be shared, basically writing what I was doing to handle the stressful time, and having to be locked down at home. I was writing with so much excitement to share this with others, that maybe someone can be inspired and have more hope in each day.

I realized that afterwards, my writings of how I was feeling week by week were changing greatly, so I kept on writing.

Here’s how the writings looked like week by week.

Week 1  

What to do during this time?
Reflect! Slow down, and reflect; on everything.
What I did personally was that I decided to take out a pen and my favorite notebook and write down what I wanted to do every day during the time I will be spending at home.
I found out so many things I wanted to do! Eventually, but not immediately.
I started with writing down some form of a schedule; I arranged my work time, time for working out at home, time to read and reflect, or just watch something I like.
And as the days passed, I realized my plan can be so flexible, I realized there are much more things I wanted to do.

Week 2

More days passed, and I saw the other side of things. It wasn’t so easy, it was very challenging to sit still and accept the events that are taking place, it was not easy for me to have a morning workout. It was not easy for me to get up and do something creative, it wasn’t easy for me to even read my book. I felt heavy.

And that when it was clear to me, change is not perfect, change is a process and sometimes a painful process. The more you know, the more you sink in deep into thought, the more you are awakening your soul within you, the more you feel challenged, but at the end, the more you feel relieved. Relived of anxiousness, relieved of fear, of negativity, of feeling trapped inside a box, instead, you are now sinking in an ocean, it isn’t easy, but it is beautiful.

Week 3

It seems like every day is becoming more challenging than the one before, everyday is harder to handle, harder to organize, and harder to accept. It’s getting harder to stay motivated, more challenging to still work on the day to be a good and positive one.
We always measure productivity in the things we accomplish in the day, and everyday that is getting less ad less until it seems like it is fading completely.

It’s not easy, it wouldn’t be a challenge if it was, it wouldn’t be a learning experience if it was.
If it’s too hard, remind yourself of what you need to learn here, do not quit doing things, never stop creating, it’s creating a change within yourself, it’s will not be something visible, your creation, it will be something that is felt. Think differently, observe your thoughts, your emotions. What do you want to change? What do you want to do?

Today

I’m here; thinking what I want to change and what I want to do. And to my surprise the answers are heavier that I thought they would be; because there is so much. I am starting to feel that there is so much I haven’t accomplished, so much I haven’t done. So much of what is in my capability to help others and seek for things I truly desired that I did not do. It’s sad; but I happen to look for the brighter sides so I don’t collapse in my sadness for long. (my sadness is never pretty if I sink in it)
After all, our peace and joy always come from within. So here I am with my pen and notebook one more time; writing everything I’m aiming for and everything that I truly want and need to do to become more ‘myself’. By doing so, there a nice energy of joy and hope.

There is still so much to be done, and so much to do. Our emotions are like waves, they will take us up high and sometimes way down low, and that’s okay. May we always monitor how we feel, and understand ourselves more, may we look deeper within ourselves and seek who we truly are and who we want to become, and may we always have hope, and move with an intention of love in our hearts.


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